Friday, April 23, 2010

Change of Direction

This may be a long one...

I've been in college for 4 years, and out of that, I've been an accounting major for all of them. I came into Trevecca being an accounting major even though I never really knew what I wanted to do. I'm the kind of person who likes having a plan. I came in declaring a major even though I never really explored other options, I knew I could change if I wanted to. What I should have known is that I love challenges. I seek them. I find them, and conquer them. This declaration of a major was a challenge. . . that I didn't even know about. Any moment I wanted to change or felt a different direction, I thought, I'm not quitting, I'm not giving up. What I should have though was, is this what GOD wants me to do?

I've been reading a book, "You Can Be Everything God Wants You to Be" by Max Lucado. It was perfect for this moment in time, even though it's at the end of my stretch as an accounting major.

Each semester in my accounting life I've felt a strong urge to step away. I've heard a soft voice of this isn't what you're supposed to do. But me being the stubborn woman I am, thought it was just a voice of laziness, lack of discipline, or a quitting voice. I would respond in my mind, "I'm not a quitter."

In High School I always wanted to go into the medical field. I shadowed a dietician in the hospital but decided that was too boring, thoughted of being a vet for my love of animals, but Trevecca didn't offer it which meant that wasn't what I felt was right. I wanted to do some sort of medical office because I absolutely loved my job in high school at the orthodontist office. But none of it was offered at Trevecca except the Biology/Chemistry route, which was a negative for me.

Everything felt like this, except Accounting.

So, I stuck with it! Go figure. But things are changing.

I don't want to be an accountant. When I look at the requirements and personality traits of the standard accountant they list words like this:
*Organized, Number loving, attentative to details, office environment...

To be honest, I'm not detail oriented, in fact I'm very oblivious, I like numbers but mainly those dealing with calories :), I'm organized in a messy way, and I hate sitting,
Anywho, that's not really what this is about :)

In the book I'm reading Max Lucado states, "You cannot be anything you want to be, But you can be Everything God wants you to be." At first I thought this was a bit riskay to say the least. All your life your told, do what YOU want to do, you can be ANYTHING you dream of, but as I've read the book I've learned that in the most loving and gentle of ways, you really can't be anything you want to be and Glorify God. The whole book is about the little ticks and tocks God created in each of us personally and that I've been blessed my whole life with some random traits that will one day allow me to do what it is God wants me to do.

"God is working in you to help you want to do and be able to do what pleases him." Phil 2:13-God created a plan for me before I was born, which is incredibly hard for me to fathom, but it's true
. He put in me the bubbliness, the love of color, the ditziness, and the desire to do something big. I always have a new plan...ALWAYS. Everyday. I want to volunteer here, I want to change the world, I want to change my major, I want to make someone smile, I just want to do something. I've just never known what.
Until now... or so I think.

My route is changing, and it seems to come at the worst time ever since I'm graduating in two weeks. But at the same time, I think it's perfect. I'm obtaining my degree, I'm possibly getting a job, but I'm going to do something new.

There's still a lot of unsurity, worry, and lack of plan going on, but I know that there's something new for me to do.
When I talked to the lady about my possible jobs for after I graduate she began mentioning to me types of openings: Accounts Payable stuff, Manufacturing Stuff...etc.

I sat there, and thought...Gross.
Usually after I talked to her I was filled with excitement and various possibility. I was going to WORK!
But now, I sit and think, well what am I going to do?

"Back to School."-It's not what I hear in my head, but in my heart this time. I felt the sweet whisper.

So, instead of jumping the gun and saying ok, I've been challenging that little voice, to make sure it's right what I'm hearing.

To say again, this book is awesome. It's showing me that I may not be able to tangibly see my gifts and talents and skills, but I have them. They're intangible.

But God put them in me to do something. And this whole time I've been avoiding the call because I wanted to stick with what was comfortable, Accounting.

"Each person is given something to do that shows who God is." 1Cor 12:7

I'm ALL about challenges, random and insignificant challenges but I love them because they create a sense of worth. I guess it's the way I'm wired. But my new challenge today is for me not to go with what's comfortable.

Graduating, getting a job, and moving on is easy. But going back to school is hard. It's going to take money, it's going to keep me from getting my full time job, and it's going to be hard.

But I know that it's what God wants me to do, because I can't stop thinking about it. I'm excited to finally feel a sense of direction, even if it comes at a bad time. "You can be everything God wants you to be" is what I'll have to keep telling myself.

"He will provide."
"Be the best you can be."

Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone, because God doesn't ask for easy.

" God will instruct him in the way chosen for him." - Psalm 25:12

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