Thursday, February 17, 2011


NOTE: I actually wrote this post a while back but never published it. Today is a good day to publish it. Things have generally gone well and joy has been prevelant in my days. With that said, my heart has been heavy today. I feel stuck and paralyzed. I feel as though my path is getting narrow and I'm losing sight of where I'm going. I know in times like these, I just have to trust.

"Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him." (Psalm 37:3-5, 7a)

I'm just going to go ahead and apologize for the completely random and unorganized post:)

I absolutely love this

One of my favorite CD's to listen to in my car is La Rue. I'm pretty sure they're over a decade old, possibly even from the 80's? All of the songs share different stories but they always touch my heart, no matter what kind of mood I'm in. My favorite is Reason, below are the lyrics.

 For some reason, as I'm sitting here at my little desk at work, the lyrics just popped in my head.
"Lord give me the strength to find the faith in this world"
I started thinking, man what song is that? I was more just quoting it and then I remembered it's my favorite song-DUH! Anywho, that's beside the point. I just kept thinking to myself
Lord give me the strength.
That seems to be my prayer these days. Gee, what else is there really to say when tears just swell up in your eyes for no reason and you just feel heavy? Heavy as in the world is on top of me.

 I remember when I was in the midst of dealing with depression and disordered eating, I was instructed to make something out of clay that portrays my feelings. I started on earth am I going to do that? First off-I'm not artistic whatsoever.
Second-I can't even tell you in words how I'm feeling so how am I going to mold my feelings?
Emotions/feelings are funny in a way, because they sort of come out in the most random times.
So I started molding. And you know what I made?
 A pancake thing with a ball on top of it.
The lady asked me what it meant and I said that I felt like I had the world on my shoulders.
Whether it was me feeling the need to please other people,
the feeling that I had to look a certain way in this world,
or just plain out I never felt good enough.

 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful.  You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

Reason, By La Rue

The world is turning in front of me and sometimes it's hard for me to let go
My flesh begins to rise and then I find out there's things I don't know
I'm standing here but no one cares, I'm crying out but no one is there
And I am me but who am I and will I ever find the reason (for life)
But I see you there, Your arms around me, Your arms around me
And I have no fear, You're all around me, You're all around me
You're all around
On this earth people live and die, wondering why (I wonder why)
They go through life feeling lost, never knowing who paid the cost
Lord give me the strength to find the faith in this world
Help them to see the light in me, even though I'm so afraid (of it all)
And I am so afraid, then I remember the price You paid 
The world is turning in front of me and sometimes it's hard for me to let go

1 comment:

  1. Jenny I have tears in MY eyes reading this. I can't say I've felt the same way because YOUR feelings are your own, but I have felt similar, that is for sure.

    I'm doing my best to just trust and believe but it is easy for me to become doubtful -- thank you for this post!